Friday, 3 April 2015

Tea Talk #1 | Dealing With Loss

Good morning, evening or afternoon! Wherever you are or whatever time it is when you're reading this I hope you're having or have had a wonderful day. Anyway, I've decided to start something new on my blog. Welcome to Tea Talk! I've called these types of posts 'Tea Talk' due to the fact that when I came up with the idea I was drinking a cup of tea. These posts are going to be about topics that I want to discuss. Sometimes the subjects could be controversial, the most random thing you've ever read or they could be a bit upsetting. I want to warn you about this now just in case you don't want to read these posts. They're strictly either opinion or real life experiences. I'd appreciate that if you do read and/or comment on these posts you keep peoples opinions and feelings in mind and not just what you have to say. I'm glad I got that out the way.

We're starting out in the deep end, I'm going to be talking about loss. It doesn't matter who you've lost; a lover, a mother, a son, a daughter or like in my case a cousin. Yes, I am talking about a real life experience so as I said if you're reading and/or commenting on this post I'd appreciate if you take my feelings into account before you say anything.

I lost my cousin when I was thirteen and was about two and a half weeks from turning fourteen. I'm now fifteen and it's about a year and a month since he died but mine and my family's grieving still continues on to this day. It was a very unexpected death seeing as my cousin was nineteen and would have recently celebrated his 21st birthday so that's kind of the idea of what set off the idea this blog post being posted on the internet.

I don't like to say it but my cousins death was a stupid one when I think of it. It wasn't a heroic death. He didn't run into a burning building and save a child before the building collapsed on top of him. No, it was not a death like that. I don't know whether many of you will remember but last year there was a "game", a trend if you will going round called NekNomination. The idea of the game was that you mixed alcoholic drinks and drank it whilst being recorded. It was not the alcohol that killed my cousin, after the video camera had been switched off by my other cousin, his brother, my cousin jumped in the river by where the dare had occurred. My cousin tried to pull his brother out the water but the current was too strong and my cousin had to let the current take his baby brother. It's upsetting I know for anyone but to have to let your baby brother go must be the worst feeling in the world.

I do not want to dwell on my cousins death any longer but the after effect it had. What happened when I went back to school on the Monday? How did I tell my friends? What did people say?

The answer to the first question is simple. My mum walked me to school, and remember that I was in high school at this time, with my hand in hers. My head teacher asked why my mum was with me and my mum explained which sent me into tears but my head teacher was very kind about the whole ordeal and told us to go and see my school Chaplin. My mum came with me and explained to my school Chaplin which made me cry even more, let's just say there was no makeup wearing that week. My school Chaplin made me a cup of tea and let me have some biscuits, which I am ever grateful for. I didn't go to lessons that week until last period on the Wednesday and a few lessons on the Thursday Friday and even then I didn't talk to anyone or go to form. I did try to go to my last lesson on the Monday, which was I.T., but I ended up breaking down and being sent back down to the chapel with one of my best friends.

This leads me onto how did I tell my best friends. I didn't tell my friends. They were all called down to the chapel where me, my mum and the school Chaplin were. My school Chaplin explained to my them what had happened which included more tears from me and not a lot of eye contact. Once they had found out there was a lot of hugs and words of support. They also stayed with me when I didn't go to lessons which wasn't the best idea for them seeing as they didn't know anything from the lessons but it was very thoughtful of them, which I am grateful for. Them girls were my rocks that week and I love them for staying with me even when I didn't want to talk to them,

Okay, so this is what I really want to focus on. What did people say? So after it got out that my cousin had died which to this day I still don't know how it got out people said sorry about what had happened which I hated. Why? Because it's not as if they killed my cousin. Also, it was the other question which annoyed me the most. "Are you okay?" Them three little words upset and angered me all at once. I'd been asked that question so much that during a History lesson the day of my cousins funeral during that week one of the girls asked me if I was okay when I was asking my teacher about a piece of work and I forgot all about what I was asking my teacher or where I was. I shouted at her. Telling her that I wasn't okay and that was the stupidest question to ask someone whose cousin had just died. I didn't apologize and still haven't until this day which I feel awful about. The people asking if I was okay were only trying to be nice but I didn't want to be asked but in a way I'm glad that I was.

There are lots of people who are going to be there for you including the people around you who are also grieving. In a way they know what you're going through. They've lost a lover, a parent, a son, a daughter, a brother, a sister, a cousin. You can talk to them. They're only a conversation or a phone call away. Also, if you feel as if you can't talk to school, family or friends their's the internet. There is someone going through the same thing as you and the internet is full of helpful advice about how you're feeling. They're lots of websites that you can visit. I'm going to leave some below that you can visit if you're going through the stages of grief or would like to help someone who is grieving.

Too Damn Young:
Grief Net: 
Web Healing:
The Compassionate Friends:

I hope that even if this blog post only helps one person it helps them because I want people to be able to know that they're not alone in what they are going through.

Comment below any topics you would like to hear my opinion on or me talk about.

*=Not my Picture

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